Burden

My God is an awesome God, for not only does He refuse to cast me down for this, but he forgives me for this weakness – He forgives me…

Madonna and Child (Vishy)

When I was a little girl I often considered it a great and terrible burden to attend Holy Mass.

I would dread how boring I found it.  I would long to be outside and talking.  The hymns and the sitting still were so annoying to me.

I would find it a terrible waste of time to have to sit quietly and wait for Mass to be finished.  I hated kneeling down – unless I was playing with the hair of the person sitting in front of me or touching the soles of their shoes.  I rarely prayed and spent most of my time annoying my mother by causing a ruckus in the Church.

When I was in Year One, I changed schools and at my new school my teachers were very strict about asking us to kneel during Mass.  Previously, as I had not received Holy Communion, I was not expected to kneel, but as I grew older, I began to be told to knell down and show respect and pray.

I considered the whole thing a terrible bore and great burden.

I have been thinking about those days and that feeling that I had as a little girl.  You see, now I find great comfort in the Holy Mass.  There is a peace and serenity n being able to worship God first thing in the morning – before I have even eaten breakfast.  It is beautiful to think that the first food of my day is the Blessed Eucharist.  There are Saints – truly wonderful Saints who were not allowed to receive such a Grace as I receive without even thinking about it.  In olden times people did not receive Communion daily.  Sometimes a Saint would only be Granted permission to receive Holy Communion once a year.  Saint Therese of Lisieux wrote of her great joy at being granted the opportunity to receive Holy Communion.

And what wonderful acts of holiness she accomplished in her life – even with such a restriction…  She did not see the Holy Mass as a burden – she saw it for what it was – a GREAT privilege and joy!

“Our faith is not in any way a burden or a limitation. What a poor idea of Christianity one would have if one thought that way! When we decide for God we lose nothing, and we gain everything. He who at the expense of his soul ‘secures his own life, will lose it; it is the man who loses his life for my sake that will secure it’.” (Saint Josemaria, “Friends of God”, at 38).

And I have been thinking of that today, as I have been thinking of what Graces are flung my way for me to simply overlook or take for granted, and I am quite overcome.  You see, my God is an awesome God and I am standing in the Church receiving Him into my soul, thinking of what a burden it is to sit still or stay quiet for a few minutes out of my day or my week…

My God is an awesome God, for not only does He refuse to cast me down for this, but he forgives me for this weakness – He forgives me…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.