Courage

I pray for the courage of Saint Peter, who was able to return to his Beloved and beg forgiveness.  For what else is there for a miserable soul like mine to do?

Saint Peter (Van Dyck)

Faith is not an absence of doubt.  It is acknowledging doubt and choosing – despite doubt – to hold firm in the belief of the truth.  We humans are weak creatures.  We spend so much of our lives experiencing a sort of spiritual dryness.  What I mean by this is that we are unable to really see the spiritual world.  Sometimes we see evidence of it – but never do we see it clearly and in its entirety…

For example, I might have a dream about a loved one who has passed away and then think to myself – the next day – I need to offer some prayers for that soul.  Or, I might have a very difficult task the accomplish in my work or in my household and I might ask God to help me with it very much and then – despite all the hurdles and the problems with it – I resolve the issue and everything turns out wonderfully.  Those things are evidence of the spiritual in the physical world.

There are doubts – many – as the situation unfolds, but with each doubt the soul must fling itself back on course so that it can diligently control its fear.

Courage too is not an absence of fear – it is the decision to act despite the fear.  And this is truly a Gift of the Holy Spirit.  After all, what are we without courage?  How could we accomplish anything.

There is an account of Saint Faustina who encountered the Evil One.  He told her that eh would rip her to pieces.  She responded by saying that if it were God’s Will for him to do so, then she was content for it to be so.

And I have been thinking about that…

You see, the Saint had courage.  Courage was what Saint Peter had in the beginning.  That was why he was able to cut off the ear of the servant.  But that courage failed him in the end.  You see, he stopped and thought about things and after thinking about it he was worried that he would be harmed and so after such a strong display of courage, he ran away and hid.  And Christ looked at him and he went outside and wept.

And how much he must have cried.  How broken his heart must have been to know that Christ could see the fear inside him when he had tried for so long to be brave.

And I see that part of Saint Simon Peter in me too.  I see my own weakness and fear overpowering the power of the Living God.  I can see God testing me and me failing.  I watch myself brazenly cut off a soldier’s ear and then cower in front of a harmless servant.  And I pray for the courage of Saint Peter, who was able to return to his Beloved and beg forgiveness.  For what else is there for a miserable soul like mine to do?

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.