Courageously
How is such a perfect Being able to bring Himself to touch my sinful state and forgive me when I have not even the courage to consider my own conscience courageously…?
There is courage required in examining my faults and I fear that I do not have it.
God guides my steps. Without the Grace of God I can do nothing and I can be nothing and I can achieve nothing. And the most important thing that I am missing without the Grace of God is the ability to examine my own conscience…
Saint Josemaria explained it very well when he said, “Examine yourself: slowly, courageously.” For there is great courage required to examine my own conscience and see my own failings. This courage is especially necessary when I realise that for every single one of my sins, I have merited eternal damnation and the only way to avoid that is to reach out my hands to my Beloved and beg Him to forgive my contrite heart.
There is an account to be had for every one of my sins. And for every one of my sins, I am overcome by how I should merit damnation. We live in such an entitled world. I have the right to freedom of speech. I have the right to be treated fairly. I have the right (in this country) to access good healthcare and clean food and water and affordable housing. All of these things are considered my right. But the reality is that there are no rights in my relationship with God and there are no rights in eternity. Instead, God is asking me to follow His commandments (which I do not) and then He promises to allow me to beg for His forgiveness and He promises to forgive me if I ask Him to.
This is perhaps the greatest mystery of the universe… How is it that the God who is perfect and infallible and who needs me for nothing at all – is willing to love and forgive a wretch like me? How is such a perfect Being able to bring Himself to touch my sinful state and forgive me when I have not even the courage to consider my own conscience courageously…?
In fact, God Himself must give me the courage to examine my own conscience if He wishes me to make some consideration of my sins. And I have been thinking about this today as I have been thinking about my life. And it seems to me that I have spent a lifetime shying away from the impossible truth, which is that I have not tried earnestly to be a Saint. Instead, I had sat back in fear and without courage and I have tried to avoid looking at the full extent of my own weakness. And in this way, I have hurt my Beloved and I have hurt Him in an unforgiveable way. And yet, God – who loves me so perfectly – has decided to forgive me – over and over and over again.
And if this is not the greatest mystery in the world, then I am not sure what is…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.
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