Forgiveness

I see myself for what I am – a hypocrite!  A terrible terrible hypocrite, expecting forgiveness and refusing to forgive…

The Crucifixion of Jesus Christ (Wilhelm Kotarbiński)

I am no lawyer.  However, I have done some tertiary studies in some specialised areas of law many many moons ago.

One of the most interesting areas of law – to me – is the law of negligence.  The law of negligence works on the presumption that a person must act in a way that a reasonable person in the street would consider reasonable for the action to be deemed reasonable and not negligent.  For example, digging a hole in the middle of the footpath and not putting any barriers or signage around it is negligent because someone could fall into it – particularly if they cannot see the hole.  However, what makes this law interesting to me is the fact that a victim of negligence could contribute to that negligence and as such the damages paid out to them would be less.  For example, if a person was deliberately closing their eyes and walking along the footpath blindfolded and then fell into the hole and injured themselves, a reasonable person on the street would assume that they had in fact contributed in part to their damages and the negligent party would have less damages to pay them as their own contribution would offset it.

I am no lawyer.  But I have been thinking about this today because this is how forgiveness is to me.

Forgiveness seems like such a simple thing in theory.  We should forgive those who trespass against us because we wish to be forgiven.  It is stated explicitly in our Sacred Scripture.  It is taught to us by our clergy.  Christ gave the example of this through His life and His death.  Apparitions of Christ and the Blessed repeatedly ask sinners to repent and be forgiven their sins.

And yet, I struggle with forgiveness…

The person who I find it most difficult to forgive is the person to whom I have given the most love.

If I do not have very strong feelings of affection for someone, I can find it easier to forgive the wrong they do to me.  But, if someone who I love deeply injures me, I am devastated.  I consider it such a terrible offence to reject my love in such a hurtful manner.  To forgive such an offence is a terrible thing for me.  It takes all of my willpower to commit myself to the course of forgiveness…  And yet, who am I to reject such an action?

Christ loves every single soul.  He loves mine, and the soul of the Blessed Virgin (who is sinless), and he loved the soul of Judas and even Hitler and Stalin and every hidden sinner and every other sinful creature.  And Christ – God – forgives all of us if we will only ask for His forgiveness…  And He forgives us even though we sin so badly despite all His Love.

And I have been thinking about that today as I have been nursing my own wounds and considering how unforgiveable and hurtful the actions of my loved ones are.  And I see myself for what I am – a hypocrite!  A terrible terrible hypocrite, expecting forgiveness and refusing to forgive…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.