Kneeling

There is such a thin veil between this world and the next one that I can almost see him kneeling there – right there – next to my God…

Visitation (Rogier van der Weyden)

Recently a mother gave birth to her little son, and he died very soon afterwards.

In our developed modern world, although such things happen, they are certainly not very common.  Modern medicine and healthcare means that very often we can prevent these sorts of terrible tragedies of innocent children dying young.

It feels a terribly unnatural thing for a child to die before their parent.  My eldest son tells me that Buddhists believe that the greatest sin is for a child to die before their parent.  The punishment to the child’s soul for such a thing is to disappear and die permanently.  This seems such a sad thing to believe and live with – believing that a beloved child is gone forever.

I am Catholic.  As such, I do not believe these things.  I – guided by the Church’s teachings – believe that a child who is baptised before death goes straight to Heaven, and a child who dies without baptism, but whose parents baptised them by desire is entrusted with Hope to the Mercy of God for redemption…  This means that there is a happy ending for these children who die before their parents as babies and young children because they go to God…  I know this as truly as I know that the sun will rise in the East and set in the West.  I know this as firmly as I know that my heart must beat in order for me to live, and m lungs must expand – filling with air.  It is as much a truth as the truth that the sky is blue and the ocean is big.

When my little baby died before he was even born, I was devastated in a way that I did not expect and could not explain.  The people around me – who sincerely loved me – could not understand this.  They thought that I was taking too long to grieve and that I was being a bad mother to my surviving children.  It was a very dark and lonely time.  For many years – and in many ways even now – I grieve entirely alone for that child.  After all, nobody else saw him or knew him or even really wanted him.  But for me he was wanted more than I have ever wanted anything at all.  For many years I prayed that I would have another child – not to replace him (nothing could do that) – but so that I would have a lovely memory to juxtapose against the heartbreak.  But this was not God’s plan for me.  And so, I learned – through the Grace of the Holy Spirit – to accept God’s Holy Will for me.

And what is His Will for me?

Well, God wanted me to learn compassion.  He wanted to allow me to have patience with grief.  And He taught me that by showing me grief.  And this meant that the most terrible thing that ever happened to me was also the most wonderful thing!  Because I know that it will be through the intercession of my little saint in Heaven that God will send Grace to my family and me.  And I know this is true for the mother who recently lost her baby boy.

For you see, there is such a thin veil between this world and the next one that I can almost see him kneeling there – right there – next to my God…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.