Pause

If a human being can create a gap – a space or a pause – between the moment of action and the moment of reaction, then power could be reclaimed over the situation.

The Return of the Prodigal Son (Bartolome Murillo)

I am a mother to three teenage children.  And that means that I deal with conflict on a daily basis.

Now, this is a normal thing, of course, because it is only natural that as human beings grow they try to assert their boundaries and limitations and experiment with what will be accepted and what will not be accepted in a variety of circumstances.

Understanding this natural response is one thing, but being able to cope with it rationally in the heat of the moment is quite another.  I have found that in my own experience, my professionalism in being able to deal with complete strangers who I really do not care about in the same way that I care about my children is far superior – even under very terrible and trying circumstances – than it is with my own children.

After all, you have only to imagine how far you would get out there in the real world shouting at someone to pay you, or move their car or hurry up in a queue if you are not their mother.  So, with strangers, I can display almost perfect self-control.  However, with my own children – who are more dear to me than all the world – my self-control wobbles a little and I am left feeling emotionally overwhelmed.  Now, part of this is because I am trying so hard to be the parent that God created me to be – so the pressure I put on myself personally is immense (and unnecessary, because my faith tells me that God would not give me what I could not handle).  But the other problem is that my children know me well enough to pick at my weaknesses.  And my weakness is my inability to pause in the heat of the moment.

I recently listened to a speaker who presented on the power of the pause…  She explained that if a human being can create a gap – a space or a pause – between the moment of action and the moment of reaction, then power could be reclaimed over the situation, and everything would flow more smoothly and work better.

And I have been thinking about that.  You see, I agree with that idea.  Of course, if I could slow down my reaction time and allow my emotions to dissipate then I would be able to make decisions that I could be proud of rather than decisions that I would later regret.

And it occurs to me that this is the whole point of our religion.  You see, we are asked to do certain things – attend Holy Mass on the Sabbath, receive the Sacraments, fast and abstain during certain times of the calendar and liturgical year.  And all of these things are designed for us to build discipline.  And the more disciplined we can be in these small things, the more disciplined we can be in the big ones – like pausing between the action and reaction.  And today it seems to me that if I could just conquer that, I could eliminate most of my sins…  If I could just conquer that – with Grace…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.