Reluctant

Love embraces me even with my eyes darking “in every direction for a chance of escape…”

Forgiving Father (Frank Wesley)

I have been reflecting on the reluctance that I have in doing what is good and what is right.  It is very easy after all to just do the things that come easily to me, especially when they are wrong.  It is quite another thing to stand firm and decide that I am going to do the right thing even if the whole world stands against me and tells me that I am making a silly decision.

I suppose this is part of human nature – the fallen part of it.

C.S. Lewis was a very good friend of the writer J.R.R. Tolkien, who wrote the Lord of the Rings Trilogy and “The Hobbit”.  Tolkien was a Catholic, and although C.S. Lewis was originally an atheist, he eventually converted and became a Christian – in part due to the influence of his dear friend J.R.R. Tolkien.

Lewis wrote beautiful Christian allegories including the Chronicles of Narnia series and “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”.  In these books, Lewis explored the idea of the resurrection and the love of Christ through characters like Aslam, the Lion in “The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe”.

Lewis also wrote of his conversion and explained how reluctant he was to convert…

“In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed; perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England. I did not then see what is now the most shining and obvious thing; the Divine humility which will accept a convert even on such terms. The Prodigal Son at least walked home on his own feet. But who can duly adore that Love which will open the high gates to a prodigal who is brought in kicking, struggling, resentful, and darting his eyes in every direction for a chance of escape? The words compelle intrare, compel them to come in, have been so abused by wicked men that we shudder at them; but, properly understood, they plumb the depth of the Divine mercy. The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men, and His compulsion is our liberation.” (C.S. Lewis, “Surprised by Joy”).

And I have been reflecting on this as well, because I know that feeling of reluctance in coming to my Beloved.  I will I will I tell myself, but really what I mean s that I will at a later date.  Right now I am content to sit in my sin.  What I really mean is that I will when things change.  Right now I am content to remain unchanged.  What I really mean is that I will one day when it is convenient for me.  Right now I am content to fit in with the crowd and prioritise the things of this world.

And I have been thinking about that today, as I reflect on my own reluctance.  For it seems to me that Love embraces me even with my eyes darking “in every direction for a chance of escape…”

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.