Treasure

“Let nothing frighten you, All things are passing away: God never changes. Patience obtains all things. Whoever has God lacks nothing; God alone suffices.” (Saint Teresa of Avila).

Teresa of Jesus (Unknown)

As a Catholic – and a Christian – what is it that I really believe?

I have been reflecting on this for a while now.  After all, I often think to myself, what would I do if I did not have faith?  This is not to look down upon anyone else, but even during the most difficult times of my life, I have experienced some peace in knowing that there is a God.  Sometimes – like when my little baby died before he was ever born – I was unable to experience any peace in loving God, but there was some peace in the constant dialogue I had with Him.  I spent years (during that awful time) shouting at God inside my soul.  When I think back to that time part of me is shocked that God did not end the world as punishment for my audacity!  After all, who am I – miserable soul that I am – to criticise the Lord of all the Universe?

And yet, God did not end the world when I shouted at Him.  He did not even punish me.  He just held me close and comforted me – even when I refused to be comforted.  He never turned away from me.  When I felt most alone and most angry, God kept a hold of my arm so that I could not run away.  He held me safe.  And He listened to me in silence, as I listen to my child raging at the end of a long hard day.  He listened to me with perfect love knowing what was in my heart when even I did not know what was in it or how to express it.

When I look back at that time – prior to my conversion, which occurred through Grace and no merit of my own – I am quite overcome at how God continued to guide me – with infinite patience and love.  The stark difference between the time prior to my conversion and after it, is the HOPE that I have now.  Prior to my conversion I experienced a terrible despair.  The loss of that child was such an overwhelming loss that I would never be able to repair the rift it created in my life.  And yet, after my conversion, the loss remains as heartbreaking as it ever was.  The only difference is that I feel no despair.  Instead, I feel tremendous hope.

I experience hope in a supernatural way.  And by this, I mean, that though I may have little stumbles where my Cross feels terribly heavy, I can see the direction of my journey now.  I am able to see where I am going and who I am travelling towards.

My life is hopeful.  And with great hope comes a great ability to endure.  I can bear things better – certainly not perfectly, but better – because I have hope in God.

And this hope means that I can bear the bad days better, because I know – in the deepest parts of my soul – that all things are passing and only God is unchanging…

And this allows me to pray the prayer of Saint Teresa of Avila, “Let nothing frighten you, All things are passing away: God never changes. Patience obtains all things. Whoever has God lacks nothing; God alone suffices.”

For my Beloved is not satisfied with wavering ascent.  Instead, He asks me to commit to my belief in Him and His Will.  And that is what I truly believe today!  And what a treasure that is for my soul!

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.