“When, in heaven, you see these present days, you will rejoice and will want to see as many of them as possible.” (Saint Faustina, Diary 1787).
Over a year ago – after many many many years of searching for answers and seeking specialist opinions – I finally found a specialist who could correctly diagnose my serious medical condition that was causing me to experience some pain in my daily life.
And so it was, that about a year ago – after some delays due to the restrictions of the COVID-19 pandemic – I underwent some very serious, complicated and long surgery to correct the problem and improve my quality of life.
Immediately following that surgery – even during my recovery from that surgery – I experienced such tremendous relief from the symptoms that I had been experiencing for most of my life that I experienced a kind of euphoria – a deep joy – as I could literally take a big deep breath for the first time in many years!
And each day since that surgery, I have woken up in the morning, sat at my desk during the day, and gone to sleep at night, thinking to myself, “Thank God I am so much better now. Thank God for that surgery!”
I wish I had the words to be able to express what a miracle it is for me to be able to reflect on my experience with nothing but HAPPINESS and HOPE in my soul – but sadly, I have not the skill to put such a thing into words.
All I can do to try to explain this miracle to you is to explain who I am… And who I am is a MOTHER. You see, when I was a little girl, I played mothers and children and I was ALWAYS the mother. My dolls were mothers, and my teddy bears were their husbands and children. My siblings were for practice in parenting. My friends at school pretended to be babies and I was their mum. In short – I spent my childhood practicing for my future life as a mother of a large brood.
And how does this relate to my HAPPINESS and HOPE following my procedure? Well, one of the implications of that surgery was that I will never be able to have another biological child again… And still – when my worst nightmare of being unable to have any more children came true – I felt such JOY and gratitude that this must surely be proof of the goodness of God...
And I have been thinking about why…
And during Mass the other day, as I was praying, I think I stumbled upon the answer…
The pain that I experienced prior to this surgery is like the suffering that we endure in our Earthly life. In other words such pain and suffering is a great GIFT to us! When God allows us to suffer, He is allowing us an opportunity to sanctify ourselves. Thus, suffering – when considered from a spiritual perspective – is an INVITATION to take up my cross and follow Him… It is an invitation to GET CLOSE TO GOD!
And, having experienced the beautiful joy of better health now after such a long period of illness, I can appreciate the GIFT of my health so much more – having experienced a lack of health previously! And this too is what happens in Heaven to those who have experienced greater suffering during their earthly lives. You see, eternal paradise is so much sweeter for those who have suffered because they have known such terrible pain during their lives, and finally, in ETERNITY they are SAFE from that pain. Those chosen souls – having known the true anguish of suffering – understand the GIFT of eternal life.
And I have been thinking about that today – the gift of suffering. For Saint Faustina recorded in her Diary 1787, during her last days of torment in this world, “When I met with the Lord, I said to Him, (135) ‘You are fooling me, Jesus; You show me the open gate of heaven, and again You leave me on earth.’ The Lord said to me, ‘When, in heaven, you see these present days, you will rejoice and will want to see as many of them as possible. I am not surprised, My daughter, that you cannot understand this now, because your heart is overflowing with pain and longing for Me. Your vigilance pleases Me. Let My word be enough for you; it will not be long now.”
And I pray for the Grace to “rejoice” and see as many experiences of suffering as possible in this life… I pray for that Grace…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.