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  • Sarah Raad

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“Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.” (Luke 6:21).

You are precious in His Sight (Unknown)

Many years ago, my youngest child died before he was even born. And, when that happened, it was a truly terrible thing.


It was – and remains to this day – the most profoundly sad thing that has ever happened in my life. And being profoundly sad, it changed everything about me… It changed my personality. It changed my behaviour. It changed my temperament. It changed my mood. It changed the way that I interacted with my husband and my other children, with my parents and my siblings, with my friends and my colleagues. And most of all – it changed the way that I interacted with my GOD!


I spent whole years of my life grieving for that child. And the most terrible pain that I felt – as a mother – was having been unable to save my child from death. I felt so terribly guilty that I had not protected him better or treasured him more or done something extra to keep him safe and save him. And – for many years – I found no comfort in anything…


And it was no use that I rationally understood that these things happen and I had not done anything wrong or anything to endanger my child. It did not matter that I rationally understood that I had done everything in my power to protect and welcome that child. The only thing my broken heart could feel was that I had failed to keep my child safe and that I had not saved that child. And my broken heart believed – very fervently – that God had punished me for my weakness and that was why I was being denied the comfort of my child in this life.


And then – after years and years and years of this utter nonsense – some of my sisters and my father decided to pray the Divine Mercy for me (without my knowledge). And they prayed this wonderful prayer for me for an entire year (while I suffered my agony feeling completely alone).


And then, my little niece was born terribly sick and in desperate need of prayers. And so, I began to pray for her. After all, I would not wish this grief of mine on anyone, and I felt compelled to pray – and ask others to pray – for this little girl’s health…


And then – somehow, right there in the middle of my prayers for my beautiful little niece – through Grace and no merit of my own – I suddenly understood the TRUTH, clearly and in the blink of an eye, without ever seeking the answer of my own accord…

God had not taken my child to punish me. He had not taken anything from me at all - God had given me a SAINT…

Though, at times, this life feels very long, it is in fact, very short. This earthly life is over in a blink… And my job – my only job – as a mother, is to help my children get to Heaven. And on the day that my youngest child went to heaven, he became my little saint.


And so, you see, what I have come to realise – through Grace and no merit of my own – is that as a mother I was not given my youngest child because God wanted me to save him. That was not my job with that special soul... I was given my youngest child because God wanted HIM to save ME…


And this truth and knowledge brings me such peace to my heart that I have not even the words to express it to you… Instead, I hold firmly to the hope that you shall experience the magnificence of this peace when you enter the Kingdom of Heaven.


For my Beloved promised “Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.” (Luke 6:21). And He has caused me to laugh – even now, as unworthy as I am – even before I see Him in His Kingdom, and He caused this because of my son, my beautiful darling little son, who kneels at Gods feet to pray prayer to save me…


And I am blessed among women… Because God gave me a soul to save me! And He gave me the Grace to humbly accept that!


And there is such a miracle here… Such a tremendous miracle…


For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.

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