Time

And Christ is looking at me and loving me, and I am going away so sad because I have many possessions.

The Encounter of Jesus with the Rich Young Man (Giorgione)

I want to be a saint.  In fact, I want to be a GREAT saint.  The only problem is that I want to be a saint tomorrow.  Today, I just want to commit a few more sins.  Today I want to succumb to a few more distractions.  Today, that bit of gossip and that bit of complaining make me feel so much better and so I just want to do that for a bit.

Later – when I am dying – well then of course I shall be a GREAT saint.  Then I shall refrain from gossip and refrain from complaining.  Then I shall display such calmness of temper and such a charitable disposition that I shall rival not only the GREAT saints, but the Queen of Heaven herself.

At least, that is how I reason to myself…

And this is perhaps the most clear evidence of the Evil One in my life…  After all, all the Evil One needs form me is a bit of time.  If I spend my time now doing things that do NOT bring me closer to God then I am a little further away and a little more vulnerable.  And of course that old fashioned sin of pride is just getting in the way.  After all, that pride is a real problem.  It is pride after all that causes me to think that I am going to be able to achieve – through my own merits – the things that I have never been able to achieve before.

And for all of this – for all my sins of pride and all my disregard of my Beloved, He looks at me and loves me.  And I know this because I am told the story of the rich young man…

“A man ran up and knelt before him, and asked him, ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ And Jesus said to him, ‘You know the commandments: ‘Do not kill, Do not commit adultery...’’ And he said to him, ‘Teacher, all these I have observed from my youth.’ And Jesus looking upon him loved him, and said to him, ‘You lack one thing; go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.’ At that saying his countenance fell, and he went away sorrowful; for he had great possessions.” (Mark 10:17-27).And I wonder today, whether my “possessions” (my work and my children and my entertainment and all my other things) will ever be enough.  But today it seems that they will not.  For it seems that I have spent a lifetime waiting for the right TIME to do what I am called to do.  And today, it occurs to me that I am the rich young man.  And Christ is looking at me and loving me, and I am going away so sad because I have many possessions.

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.