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  • Sarah Raad

Awkwardness

Oh, the JOY, if those who I love the most and who most reject God, would follow me HOME!

The Holy Spirit (Corrado Giaquinto)

Today I have been praying many prayers for all the lukewarm souls. I have been praying for those who do not believe in God, or who believe in Him but feel no inclination to love Him.


So many millions and billions and trillions of souls are dancing along the wide road completely oblivious to the abyss that is waiting unexpectedly at the end of that road. They live their lives in the lukewarm sun and believe, because everything is mostly going according to their plan, that this wide path is permanent and leads only to happiness and joy. It is these souls who are so at risk of damnation. These souls who do not even understand or acknowledge the saving presence of God are the souls who do not even realise there is an abyss awaiting them.


Though it may appear that these are the favoured souls because their lives are filled with mostly good things, I have come to realise that a lack of suffering is no indication of God’s favour.


The souls God MOST favours are those who walk along the narrow path. Their way is steep, and the path is rocky. These souls are living lives that are NOT according to their own plans. These are the souls who grieve, or deal with addiction. These are the souls who are lonely and those who are tossed out of their chosen vocation for reasons not of their choosing. These are the souls who feel abandoned by God.


Now, one thing of which I am sure is that God LOVES us all. God is a perfect parent. Perfect parents do not have favourites. And so, I know that God loves each soul that He has created… PERFECTLY.


When I speak of God favouring one soul over another, I do not speak of His loving one soul more than another, I speak of His applying His infinite Divine JUSTICE and MERCY to all souls and through the mystery of that mercy and justice, some souls are favoured.


Christ told Saint Faustina in Diary 699… “My mercy is so great that no mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity.”


This is Divine mercy and justice that we cannot fathom because it is completely beyond our limited human understanding.


What do we do about this mercy, and about this justice? How can we – the souls who suffer only a little – walk the narrow path with those so suffer so much more so as to avoid the dark abyss at the end, when it seems that we are dancing through life along the wide one?

Saint Jacinta of Fatima gave us some insights through her beautiful simplicity of faith… “Oh how much I love to suffer for Our Lord and Our Lady.” Suffering will help.

But how to suffer when we are given such joy in life?


The answer is simple… We walk beside these suffering few on their path. We hold their hands or sit beside them on the road when they have fallen under the weight of their cross. We assume the role of Saint Veronica in wiping the Blessed Face of Christ and we wipe their tears and sweat and blood for them. For just as Saint Veronica was blessed with an imprint of the Holy Face of God on her veil for her efforts, so too will His Holy Face imprint upon our souls through such an action.


Saint Jacinta’s older brother, Saint Francesco described God beautifully… “We were burning in that light which was God, and we were not consumed. What is God like? It is impossible to say. In fact, we will never be able to tell people.”


But if we walk this path with those chosen few, then He will dwell within us and we will know Him…


I wish I could tell people of the light that burns me. If only I had the words or the wisdom to communicate this TRUTH, this LIGHT to all souls – but especially those who I love the most. If only all those who I love the most loved God and knew God even just a little. I am the weakest and most unworthy of souls, and yet the love that burns within me for my Beloved is surely not of mere Human origin.


I have been taught that I am a Temple of the Holy Spirit through my Baptism in Christ. I learned this fact as a little girl. I understood it academically as I was taught that Baptism once given cannot be removed. A soul cannot later choose to become UN-Baptised. Souls may choose to reject God, but their Baptism stands. Once Baptised, they are Baptised forever! They are Temples of the Holy Spirit… Forever!

We may choose to reject Him – thereby allowing our Temple to enter into a state of disrepair, but we can never REMOVE Him from within us. Just as God does not CONTROL our free will, neither do we CONTROL His. Just as He cannot FORCE us to look at Him, we cannot FORCE Him to look away from us... The Holy Spirit enters our soul through Baptism and stays there – ad infinitum. He waits for us to turn to Him.

We may choose to turn away in thought, word and/or deed, but that is OUR choice. God’s choice is already made. He CHOOSES US! He WAITS FOR US! Our solitude is not caused by the action of Our Lord – but by our own action… By our own CHOICE to sin.


Servant of God, Mother Angelica, said… “Faith is what gets your started. Hope is what keeps you going. Love is what brings you to the end.”


Oh, that love… Oh, that love…


That love is why, though it is awkward, I continue to talk about my Beloved in front of the people who I love the most, who do not understand or know Him.


For that love surpasses all awkwardness. For imagine the LOVING JOY of my Beloved, on that day when those who I love finally listen…


Imagine the JOY if they chose to dance with me along this narrow road to Calvary.


Imagine the JOY if they chose to follow me home…


Oh, the joy!


For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.

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