Comparison

“Do not seek to be regarded as somebody, don't compare yourself to others in anything. Leave the world, mount the cross, discard all earthly things, shake the dust from off your feet.” (Saint Barsanuphius).

Saint Barsanuphius the Great (Icon)

Gosh, I am a competitive person!

Although I tend to compete most fervently against myself, I am – and have always been – a very competitive person at heart.  This is not to say that I aim to trash my opposition or completely dominate them, but it is to say that I like to pit myself against others so that I can try to push myself to do better…

Saint Barsanuphius said, “Do not seek to be regarded as somebody, don't compare yourself to others in anything. Leave the world, mount the cross, discard all earthly things, shake the dust from off your feet.”

And I have been reflecting on that today because I have long thought that this competitiveness in my nature was a good thing – but now I am not so sure…

You see, I think it all comes down to what I am being competitive about.  After all, every single thing about m and my current circumstances, is a gift from God.  Every good fortune I have had, and every misfortune that I have had has come at the Holy Will of God.  This is to say that I can hardly pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for my success any more than I can berate myself for illness and misfortune that I have experienced.

Saint Alphonsus said, “He that sacrifices to God his property by alms-deeds, his honour by bearing insults, or his body by mortifications, by fasts and penitential rigours, offers to Him a part of himself and of what belongs to him; but he that sacrifices to God his will, by obedience, gives to Him all that he has, and can say: Lord, having given You my will, I have nothing more to give You.”

God is the provider of all things.  And the only way that I should be competitive is by competing in how much I can give to my God.  And even in THIS, I can afford no opportunity of praise – because God Himself provides me with the GRACE required to submit to His Holy Will…  “Ever since the creation of the world, his invisible attributes of eternal power and divinity have been able to be understood and perceived in what He has made.” (Romans 1:20a).

And what GRACE there can be.  Saint Zoe of Rome was martyred in 286 AD after having been cured by Saint Sebastian (and converting to Christianity along with her husband following her miracle).  She had a vision of an angel standing next to Saint Sebastian holding a book of his teachings and (after her death) appeared to the Saint to explain her martyrdom and glory to him.

And I have been thinking about that today.  For the GRACE of healing and the GRACE of conversion and the GRACE of success or failure in all things is not something that I can complete for.  It is not awarded to me for being the BEST.  It is a gift from my Eternal Father to me – from my Beloved.  And it is a gift of such priceless value that I could spend all of eternity contemplating it and would still never actually understand what it was…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.