Forget

I have come to realise that I am called not to remember myself, but to forget…

Stations of the Cross 3rd (Saint Jean Baptiste Beguinage)

My mother has an uncanny ability to push on through extraordinary circumstances.

I suppose it is partly as a result of her personality and partly as a result of her life experiences, but whatever the reason, my mother is a sort of trouper, who could manage to sort herself out no matter what based on the situation at hand.

This means that when she is very very tired she will push herself onwards and make sure that there is food on the table and clean washing in the cupboards.  She will speak to all of her children and make sure that everyone is heard and treated well.

At times, this can be quite problematic for her, because in her efforts to care for others, she is very often in a situation where she finds herself so depleted of energy and resources that she can become quite physically sick.  As her child, my siblings and I often joke that our mother will be fine through a whole series of torturous stresses and then one day she will just conk-out over something and she becomes incredibly unwell.  Then, after a short period of rest, she bounces back again, eager to be useful in the world.

This is not a trendy way to live.  Much of what we learn about and hear in popular culture focuses on self-care and prioritising the self.  I can understand why, of course.  It is very difficult to look after others if we are not first looking after ourselves.

And yet, this is quite the opposite of what the Great Saints have done.  Saint Padre Pio and Saint John Vianney were renowned for their hours spend in the confessional each day, offering the Sacrament of Reconciliation to sinners.  They often sacrificed their own comfort and even their health – missing meals and water and refusing to take breaks – so that they could care for others.  They forgot themselves in their work and vocation.

Saint Josemaria gave some sage advice, “The Cross you must shoulder is divine. Do not allow yourself to carry any human cross. If you ever get caught in this snare, rectify your intention immediately: it will be enough for you to consider that He has suffered infinitely more for love of us.”  (“The Way of the Cross”, Third Station, at 5)

You see, there is no way that I could give as much as Christ – God Himself.  God gives Himself until the end of time in the Holy Eucharist in the Mass.  He is the perfect Sacrifice, shouldering a Perfect Cross.  Christ is the beginning and the end of sacrifice.

And today, as I consider all the possible sacrifices in my life and all of the possible implications of such sacrifices, I am quite overcome.  For it seems to me that I have spent a lifetime thinking only of myself when in fact, I should be thinking of anything but me.  It seems today, that for the first time in my life, I have come to realise that I am called not to remember myself, but to forget…

And how my soul weeps to realise such a thing after all this time.

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.