Forgive

I know that my Lord and my God will see that and forgive me my FAR GREATER sins in return…

Jesus Carrying the Cross (Olga Bakhtina)

I find it so difficult to forgive.

The other day someone who is dear to me did something that was so terribly cruel that I was left broken hearted.  Perhaps they did not intend to cause me so much sorrow, or perhaps – in a fit of anger they actually did.  Time passed and my sorrow only increased as a result of their actions.  And so, after a time, I decided to speak to this person about what they had done.  And I went to them and opened my heart about this terrible thing and their reaction was that it was not that bad and that I was overreacting to a very simple thing and in fact the fault was mine and the apology owed was from me to them and not the other way around...

And this was a terrible thing.  This other person – so dear to me – was making my pain greater despite all my efforts, and the action of their doing such a thing was overwhelming.  I felt – at the time – as though the wound was reopened and now – instead of needing to forgive this person for the first offence, I had now to forgive them for the second too.  There was no beautiful soothing of my soul or renewing of our closeness.  There was only a new aching loneliness and sadness and a new way for me to suffer.

Now, all of this sounds very dramatic. I was not – after all – in any physical danger.  I was not even – to outward appearances – in any pain.  But inside my heart, I was broken and inside my soul I was grieving.

And I have been thinking about that, because although I disagreed with this dear one’s assessment of the situation completely and entirely, I did know – very firmly and vey truly – that the only way forward was to forgive this person.  And forgiveness is such a difficult thing for a person to give under any circumstances, but it is even more difficult when the offender is not even sorry for having trespassed against us.

And so, I have been thinking about this concept of forgiveness.  You see, we pray the “Our Father” as we were taught by God Himself to pray.  And in that prayer, which was scribed from the Lips of God Himself, we say, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us”…  And that is significant.  God is not an idiot, and God does not make mistakes.  He did not say, forgive those who ask for our forgiveness with a flourishing apology.  He says, forgive us in the same way that we forgive others.  And that means that if I can choose to forgive my dear one for their wrong – even when they are unapologetic for the harm that they have done to me – then my God promises to forgive me for mine.

And I have been thinking about this today – having forgiven this dear one.  Because I know that my Lord and my God will see that and forgive me my FAR GREATER sins in return…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.