Perfect

“People who are perfect are found only in Heaven.”  (Saint Josemaria).

Coronation (Fra Angelico)

I am a bit of a perfectionist.

I say a bit, because you would not think I am a perfectionist based on my general attitude and behaviour.  I can at times be quite sloppy.  However, I am a perfectionist in the standards that I hold myself accountable to.  I generally hate making mistakes – or more precisely – I generally hate putting myself in a position where I can be accused of making mistakes.  This sort of perfectionism is nothing to be proud of.  Rather, it is a sign of pride.  After all, the primary purpose of this sort of perfectionism is to keep oneself blameless – not with the intention of being without blame, but rather with the intention of being without accusation…

And I have been reflecting on that today.  Saint Josemaria said, “People who are perfect are found only in Heaven.”  And I have been thinking of that today.  Because the sort of standards that I like to place on myself are nothing short of idiotic.  After all, with those sort of standards, I am basically setting myself up for others to think of me as a Saint.

And that is insincere because there is no such ting as a perfect soul on this Earth – with the exception of the Blessed Virgin, who was conceived without Original Sin and who remained sinless all her life, and Christ, who is God Himself and therefore Perfect God and Perfect Man…

And so, in a way, by attempting to outrun my defects – so to speak – I am effectively trying to make myself untouchable as God Himself is untouchable in His perfection.

And while in the moment, I am able to move on from this without any worry at all, in the moment, this proves somewhat more problematic…

And this level of perfectionism that I attempt to hold myself to is the same level of perfectionism that I attempt to hold others in ransom to.  And Saint Josemaria wrote in “Furrow: at 760, “All right, I agree. That person has behaved badly; his behaviour has been reprehensible and unworthy; he shows no merit at all. Humanly speaking he deserves to be utterly despised, you added. I understand what you mean, I can assure you, but I do not share this concluding view of yours. That life which seems so mean is sacred. Christ has died to save it. If He did not despise it, how can you dare to?”

And today, as I reflect on that, it occurs to me that my weaknesses, which I try so hard to hide, are truly a great gift from Our Blessed Lord.  For those weaknesses allow me to realise that just as I am imperfect, so too are others.  And just as I desire forgiveness, so too do others.  And just as I am imperfect, so too are they…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.