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  • Sarah Raad

Ready

How awesome is my Lord and God – to send me the thing that I have dreaded MOST in the world at a TIME when I am MOST ready to offer it up for HIM!

God is Light (Sergey Roy)

Years ago, when I lost my baby before he had even been born and for the years that followed – prior to my conversion last year through Grace and no merit of my own – the predominant feeling that I felt was alone.


The miscarriage – though in the early stages – was complicated by some poor surgical decisions – meaning that i required multiple procedures following that miscarriage, and the process has eventually contributed (though not entirely) to my inability to have any more children.


When I was in hospital after the second procedure, it was a Sunday and my husband and children had not come in to visit yet, and I was feeling very sad and grieving terribly for the child who had died. And so – though I felt a little silly about it – I approached the nurse’s station on Sunday morning and asked for the phone number of a Catholic priest, who I could call to come and offer me the Blessed Sacrament.


The nurse laughed at me quite cruelly and said, “You are not sick or dying. You don’t need a priest.” I tried to insist. And I asked again if I could please have the phone number of a priest for a visit that day. Again, the nurse laughed at me and I left her nurse’s station and trudged back to my room – feeling utterly alone.


At that time, I did not know – personally – any good priests. I did not have the phone number of my local parish priest, and frankly after the nurse’s reaction, I felt simply too stupid to try to contact a priest, who in my disillusion I was sure would also mock me for what I felt was surely hypochondria.


Weeks later, I approached my parish priest in confession and confessed my anger at God. The poor man – he was very elderly and quite sick himself – told me that it was not much good being angry with God as we could not kick Him in the shins or anything, and that was the end of that. Now I in no way blame that poor parish priest. After all, he was a single and celibate man – and if my husband, the father of that child was unable to understand my anguish at losing this beloved child – who was I to blame a priest for being unable to help me in such distress?


And so, for a very very long time, I felt completely abandoned.


I felt abandoned by my family. I left abandoned by my Church. I felt abandoned by that baby. I felt abandoned by God Himself.


That was before…

And then – by some miracle – my little niece was born against all odds very very sick indeed. And something – or more correctly – SOMEONE called me to pray for her. And that SOMEONE was GOD!

There I was – the woman who in losing her child had abandoned all HOPE in God – suddenly and miraculously REGAINING HOPE in Him alone, not for myself but for a little tiny baby who was barely clinging to life.


Suddenly, I called on everyone to pray. All the children I taught knew my niece’s name. All their parents knew her name too. The teachers at my children’s school knew about my niece and the other parents there. The man who sold me fruit in the fruit shop knows about her. The lady on the checkout in Coles also offered prayers for her. The man who worked for City Rail at the train station prayed for my little niece. When my car caught fire, I chased after the firefighters who put the fire out shouting, “Thanks for putting the fire out. Listen, I don’t care about the stupid car, but could you please pray for my little niece? She’s really sick and needs lots of prayers!”


And through that something changed – and it was wonderful to behold…


Because, ironically, when I should have felt most alone and ridiculed I felt surrounded, included and loved.


Now, in a few weeks I shall be undergoing some major – though not life threatening – surgery. This time God has ensured that I am better prepared. This time I shall contact a good priest beforehand and receive the sacraments – not only because my body is physically sick – but because my soul needs strength and strength can ONLY come from God. This time I am ready!


How awesome is my Lord and God – to send me the thing that I have dreaded MOST in the world at a TIME when I am MOST ready to offer it up for HIM!


How awesome is My Lord and God – King of the Universe!


For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.

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