How terribly and needlessly unhappy I have been…
They say that unhappiness is the frustration of one’s vision for their life or a moment in it. And this frustration causes the individual to experience unhappiness -sometimes profound and deep unhappiness…
And I have been reflecting on that idea.
You see, there have been times in my life where I was deeply deeply unhappy. While I live a very blessed life – full of opportunity and reward – I have experienced moment of sadness that have been very profound and caused me to feel very deeply unhappy.
Failed relationships in the past have made me very unhappy. The death of a loved one has caused me to feel unhappy. And – more so than any other thing – the death of my little boy before he was even born caused me to experience very profound unhappiness for a very long time.
And when I have been terribly unhappy I have thrown some of my best tantrums. I have behaved uncharitably. I have been angry with people. I have been difficult to work with and be around. I have been agitated. I have blamed others where I should have only blamed myself.
And I wonder, did the Blessed Virgin throw tantrums too?
Was the Blessed Virgin unhappy?
And yet – by all accounts – through the Blessed Virgin grieved terrible loss, she certainly did not throw tantrums. She did not stand beneath the Cross and wail and cry out. Instead, she stood in silence and accepted all that God allowed.
And so, I have been thinking that though it is certain that terrible things happened in her life. Truly terrible things – like the death of her Beloved Son. But was she unhappy – or did she grieve joyfully – if there is such a thing?
For the Blessed Virgin was a MIRROR of God. She accepted ALL THINGS as His Holy Will. If a good thing happened, she accepted that because she knew that He allowed it. If bad things happened then she accepted that because she knew that He allowed it.
So it causes me to think, is it even possible that the Blessed Virgin was ever unhappy – if unhappiness is the frustration of one’s vision for their life or a moment in it, then the Blessed Virgin could not be unhappy, because her vision of her life was simply God’s vision for her life. And in having that vision, she was able to align her vision and each moment – because it was only one vision after all…
And I have been thinking about that today, because it occurs to me that I have spend so much of my life throwing tantrums about it and so little of it reflecting the Holy Will of God. How needlessly unhappy I have made myself. How terribly and needlessly unhappy I have been…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.