“O good Cross, made beautiful by the Body of the Lord: long have I desired you, ardently have I loved you.” (Saint Andrew).
I have been thinking about Saint Andrew the apostle.
Saint Andrew – like most of the apostles (with the exception of Saint John the Beloved who died of old age and Judas Iscariot who took his own life after betraying Christ) – was martyred for his faith in Christ.
When Saint Andrew was led to his execution, he saw the cross upon which he would be crucified, which was in the shape of an “X”. Seeing that Cross, we are told that Saint Andrew, who had requested that his cross be a DIFFERENT shape from Christ’s cross as he deemed himself unworthy to be crucified in the same manner as God Himself exclaimed, “O good Cross, made beautiful by the Body of the Lord: long have I desired you, ardently have I loved you, unceasingly have I sought you out; and now you are ready for my eager soul. Receive me from among men and restore me to my Master, so that He – who, by means of you, in dying redeemed me – may by you receive me.”
And I have been reflecting on that exclamation of Saint Andrew.
You see, he saw his cross and embraced it and that makes me think… What do I do with my own crosses?
True, I have not yet been led to my execution. Rather, I have managed to live a relatively charmed life with little to complain about and even less suffering. But actually, I have managed to experience some small sufferings. You see, I, like all human souls, have been called to suffer to atone for sin. And in order to allow me to fulfil that necessity – for my own good and my own salvation – God Himself honours me with a Cross.
Saint Andrew understood that. When he saw his X-shaped cross, he embraced it and made such an exclamation that my heart stops when I think of it. And yet for me – who suffers only little splinters rather than an actual crucifixion – I actively work against the Cross.
And I have been reflecting on that today. Because it occurs to me that when I finally accept suffering and the Cross as God Himself deems to allow it to me, then and only then will I ever be able to please my Beloved. For Saint Andrew please God by embracing his cross. For that X-shaped cross was Saint Andrew’s path to salvation. And Saint Andrew embraced that for love of God. And God Himself suffered on that Cross for Saint Andrew – not only to SAVE Saint Andrew (and to save me too) – but as an example of how Saint Andrew (and I) could suffer too.
And when I think about that today, I hang my head in shame. Because Christ taught me to suffer, and He showed me as well. And still I face those splinters of my own X-shaped Cross, and turn away…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.