Due

I have spent a lifetime denying my Beloved what He is due.  And I am so sad that I have done such a thing.  For it seems to me that this is a terrible sin against my Beloved, who only ever wants what is GOOD for me. 

Hand of God (Drogo Sacramentary)

I am imagining a world where my children follow every rule of the household.

I am imagining how much easier my life would be if they listened to me like robots instead of causing me to call out to them over and over and over again each time I wanted them to get something done.  I am imagining how much it might make life easier.

Imagine saying, come in for dinner once instead of fifteen times.  Imagine asking someone to clean their room once instead of fifteen times.  Imagine having someone listen and obey.

Now I magnify that by a million-billion and imagine God.  All those times when He has said over and over again, please do this.  And over and again I have denied Him.  Over and again I have rejected Him.  Over and again I have decided that my way was more important than His way.  Over and again I have decided that I would not do this thing He is asking me to do and instead I will disobey Him…

And yet, I have a duty to obey my Lord.  This is what is just.  True justice demands that I give to God what is owed to God – and what is owed to Him is my obedience.  This is because God gives me what is good and therefore has my own good intentions at heart.  And it is the same – in a fallible way – for me and my children, as I only have the best good intentions for them.

So when I am frustrated by their lack of obedience – because it interferes with my good intentions for them, I cannot even begin to imagine how God must be frustrated by my lack of obedience when He has my PERFECT GOOD as His intention.  For God treats me better than He treats Himself…

“Will any one of you, who has a servant ploughing or keeping sheep, say to him when he has come in from the field, 'Come at once and sit down at table? Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and gird yourself and serve me, till I eat and drink; and afterward you shall eat and drink?’ Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that is commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’” (Luke 17:5-10).

And I have been thinking about that today.  Because it seems that I have spent a lifetime denying my Beloved what He is due.  And I am so sad that I have done such a thing.  For it seems to me that this is a terrible sin against my Beloved, who only ever wants what is GOOD for me.  And instead of trusting Him and loving Him and obeying, I resist for no reason other than my stubborn obstinacy.  Poor God.  Poor poor God!

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.