When that child died before he was even born, he became my protector, and in fact, God had taken nothing from me, but had instead given me a saint.
I was sitting in the Church during Holy Mass the other day and I began to pray.
While I was praying – after receiving Holy Communion while God was literally inside my soul – I suddenly came to a realisation…
I am the child of God. I am His daughter, and He is my God and my Father and my protector. And what does that mean? Well, it means that God – who cannot be less than He is, although He can humble Himself and be TREATED as less than He is – has elevated ME… God has allowed me to rise up and be treated as the daughter, not only of the King, but of God Himself.
And because I have been elevated, I pray to God – which is really another way of saying that I talk to God – as a daughter and not as His creation. And this has made me arrogant.
There I sit inside the Church with God of the Universe inside my soul, and I list out a litany of petitions – as though I am ordering groceries from a supermarket.
And though my Beloved allows me this privilege out of infinite love for me, it occurs to me today that I am not worthy of such a privilege as that…
Some years ago, my youngest child died before he was even born. When that happened, I was heartbroken with grief. And at the time – in my pain and ignorance – I blamed God for tormenting me by allowing that child to be conceived and then allowing him to die…
With time – and in the moment of my conversion, which occurred through Grace and no merit of my own – I understood that God had taken nothing from me. When that child died, he went to Heaven (as he was baptised by desire). And in that transition from this Earthly life to the eternal one, that child became a saint. And not just any saint, he became my own patron saint and the saint of my family. So, when that child died before he was even born, he became my protector, and in fact, God had taken nothing from me, but had instead given me a saint.
And the other day, when I realised my own arrogance in speaking to my Lord and God, it occurred to me that I have a line of communication that I can use to talk to God any time I wish. And the line goes like this…
I ask my little saint for what I need, and he asks his guardian angel to intercede for me. Then his guardian angel asks mine for the intercession. Mine asks one of the angels who guard the Blessed Virgin Queen of Heaven. That angel asks the Queen of Heaven herself. And finally, if I have prayed hard enough and if it is according to the Holy Will of God, the Blessed Virgin will ask God Himself for what I need.
And though that line might look long on paper, it is in fact the fasts route to holiness that I can think of. And today, I am so grateful to have it. I am simply so grateful…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.