Self

“Time is our treasure, the ‘money’ with which to buy eternity.” (Saint Josemaria, “Furrow” at 882)

Last Judgment (Memlings)

I am a working wife and mother in my forties.

What does that mean?  Well, it means that I am quite busy – like most working wives and mothers.

It does not mean that my time is more or less valuable than anyone else’s time.  After all, whether I earn two dollars an hour or two million dollars an hour, the time that God has allotted me to this earth is the time that He has allotted to me.  And that means that I am only able to use the time that I have been given and no more and no less.  Khalil Gibran, the Lebanese writer, philosopher and artist wrote in his prose text, “Sand and Foam”, “They deem me mad because I will not sell my days for gold; and I deem them mad because they think my days have a price.”

And I have always reflected on that.  You see, everything in the world is geared to encouraging us to think about the cost of our time and the value of our time.  We are told – even from a very early age – not to waste time on distractions.

And I suppose I sense that even more now at my age and in my position.  You see, often it can feel in my life that I am giving away so much of myself that there is nothing left for me at the end of the day.  In my spare time I clean the house and cook and prepare meals.  I entertain my children and spend time with my husband.  I do all the sorts of running around jobs that nobody else seems to want to do.  And it can be exhausting and difficult at times.

And yet, Saint Josemaria wrote in “Furrow” at 882, “Time is our treasure, the ‘money’ with which to buy eternity.”

And I have been reflecting on this over the last few days as things have become busier…

Saint Josemaria wrote in “Friends of God” at 46, “When a Christian kills time on this earth, he is putting himself in danger of ‘killing Heaven’ for himself, that is, if through selfishness, he backs out of things and hides away and doesn’t care. A person who loves God not only hands over to the service of Christ, what he has and what he is in life. He gives his very self. He is not small-minded. He does not see himself in his health, in his good name, or in his career.”

And that is the trick I think – to see this self-giving and this time on earth as a sort of currency to Heaven.  After all, if I could only just understand the importance of the ways that I give of myself I could gain some merit for it.  But right now, it seems that I give grudgingly – counting the cost.  And this is a terrible thing for a person like me, who desperately wants to be granted passage to Heaven…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.