“Heaven’s clock is different from ours.” (Venerable Fulton Sheen, “The Life of Christ” p.357).
I recently met a woman, who had been trying for almost a decade to have a child with her husband.
Sadly, hers is a common story. But when I heard her tell it the other day, my heart cried out to her, for she felt such pain at her predicament. To make matters even more painful for her, she was surrounded by a family, whose entire culture was built around the idea of children and family.
While we spoke, I asked her, “What would your life look like for you if this never happened?” And she replied with tears in her eye, “Terrible.”
And I have been thinking about that ever since.
You see, this woman is a lovely person. She is good and kind and tries her best to make others happy and comfortable. And yet, the thing most dear to her – the thing that her soul yearns for – has not happened for her…
I was reading an excerpt from the Venerable Fulton Sheen’s book, “The life of Christ”. And in that book, at page 357, the Archbishop has written the following…
“God’s delays are mysterious; sorrow is sometimes prolonged for the same reason for which it is sent. God may abstain for the moment from healing, not because Love does not love, but because Love never stops loving, and a greater good is to come from the woe. Heaven’s clock is different from ours.”
And I have been reflecting on that ever since.
You see, when I lost my youngest child before he was even born so many years ago, my heart broke and was carried away because I wanted that child with me right here and right now. And because I could not get to that child and because I could not be available for that child and because I never got to hold that child in my physical arms, my whole world changed.
I experienced a pain and loneliness in my grief that was so significant, so life changing that I became a new person entirely.
At the time I really could not understand how I would live this new TERRIBLE life where my worst nightmare – the death of a child – had happened to me.
And then – through the Grace of God, while I was praying for my little niece who was so sick – in an instant God came to me and healed my heart and my mind and my soul. In an instant – before I even knew how to invite Him in, God came to me, and I knew – clearly and without a doubt – that I was grieving the temporal, but I had been rewarded in the eternal…
You see, my role as a mother is to help my children get to Heaven. It is in fact, my only role. And so, when my youngest child died – Baptised by Desire and otherwise sinless – he went to Heaven to be with my Blessed Lord.
And I realised in that moment – and I have never forgotten since – that “Heaven’s clock is different from ours.”
And I recall the words of Saint Jacinta Marto, the little visionary of Fatima, who said, “If only I could put into everybody’s heart the fire I have in my breast, which makes me burn with such love for the Heart of Jesus and the Heart of Mary!”
And I think to myself today… If only… If only…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.