He tells us – over and over and over again – the things He likes and wants and the things that disappoint Him.
The other day, someone who is very dear to me, upset me. Usually this would not be a big deal, but this time – suddenly – it occurred to me that this person had been upsetting me in the same way for years and years and years. And as I thought of this, I also thought that perhaps one of the reasons that this person was upsetting me in the same way over and over and over again was because what was obvious to me was perhaps completely foreign to them.
In other words, it occurred to me the other day that I was being upset in a meaningless manner by a person who did not understand how they were offending me. And though this is probably the most logical explanation for the problem, all the emotion involved in the upset had caused me to completely overlook it for many many years.
And so it was that I decided to address this issue – calmly and after the event, when I was a little less upset by the actions that had hurt me. And this was no easy thing for me. You see, when I decided to raise the issue with the other person there was a risk involved. That dear one, could have responded in one of three ways…
Firstly, they could have told me that they understood very well all along just how much they had hurt me and that they were willing to continue to hurt me over and over again with no intention to change anything. And this would have hurt my feelings very badly, and perhaps have magnified the hurt because it would have meant that what I had convinced myself was a misunderstanding, was in fact intentional and therefore a deliberate affront to me.
Secondly, they could have told me that though they had NOT understood how much their behaviour was affecting me, they had no intention to change anything because they did not care enough for my feelings that they would wish to do anything differently. And this would have hurt me very badly, because it would have been another rejection of me and a communication that meant that I was valueless to them.
Thirdly, they could have expressed their apologies for unintentionally (or intentionally) hurting me and promised to try to never do this again…
And I have been thinking about these three options today, because although I was nervous about that communication, my Beloved never is…
He tells us – over and over and over again – the things He likes and wants and the things that disappoint Him. He tells us in Scripture through the Ten Commandments, lessons in the Old Testament, Parables int eh New Testament and even his own example. He tells us through the Saints – through direct revelations made to them and through their own example.
And I listen to all of this communication – so lovingly made – and I chose options one and two and I chose them over and over and over again…
And today it occurs to me that in doing that I have hurt my Beloved beyond measure over and over and over again. And I am ashamed of that today. I am really really ashamed…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.