Death

The Blessed Virgin knew that the only comfort she could offer in the face of such agony and death was to witness it – silently, and with love…

Mary Meets Jesusont eh Road to Calvary (Unknown)

Recently someone who is very close to me experienced the death of a very close family member.

The person who died – may God rest his soul – was a very young man, a son, a brother, a husband and a father.  His family were understandably distraught at the brevity of his life and his suffering before he died.

The entire experience was deeply traumatic and is still something that causes terrible pain and suffering for those who loved him (and will probably continue to do so for the remaining duration of their earthly lives).  And in turn, to the rest of us, the pain and suffering lies in our ability to witness that suffering without being able to alleviate it at all.  There is of course very little a person can do to ease grief.

When my little baby died before he was even born, really all I wanted was the freedom to openly grieve for that child.  I wanted to be able to be sad for a period of time – without excuse and without hearing from people that I was overreacting or being unreasonable or ungrateful to God for the blessings I had already received.  Perhaps because my grief was so fierce, and certainly because they love and care for me, my whole family found it very very difficult to allow me to grieve.  And – out of love for me – they made it almost impossible for me to have a witness to my grief.

And that was a very difficult time for me, because the one thing they could have done to help me was to simply witness my suffering and silently observe it, but they simply could not allow this – in their own grief.

And I suppose – because of my own experience with grief – I have learned to witness the grief of others and the importance of allowing people to grieve.  And in this there is something good – because not only have I learned to witness the grief of others, but I have also understood how loved I am that others were unable to witness my own grief.  And this is a great Grace to me – even despite that earlier suffering, because God turns all things to the Good!

Saint John Chrysostom wrote in an excerpt from “In Heaven We’ll Meet Again” at page 58, “Is it not one of God's ways to do good to some out of regard for others? Let us, then, show ourselves eager to aid our dear deceased and earnestly and perseveringly pray for them. The Mass is a general expiation by which all may profit. In the Mass, therefore, we pray for the whole universe, and we mention the dead with the martyrs, confessors, and priests of the Church; for we are all one body, though some members are more illustrious than others. It may be that we can even obtain for our deceased a complete pardon through the prayers and the merits offered for them by those in whose company they are named. Why, then, are you still in such grief? Why this despondency, these lamentations? May not so great a grace be obtained for him whom you have lost?”

And I have been thinking about that, as I pray for the soul of this man who died…  For the Blessed Virgin stood in silent witness to her Son’s suffering and death on the Cross.  And she did so out of love for Him with the Wisdom of the Holy Spirit, knowing that the only comfort she could offer in the face of such agony and death was to witness it – silently, and with love…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.