Distrust

“The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even My death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these (gifts).” (Diary of Saint Faustina, Entry 50).

Zechariah and Elizabeth (Mike Moyers)

When God sent the angel to talk to Zechariah He knew that He was doing.  He went out and sent an actual angel down from Heaven with a message for this priest.  Zechariah was a holy man.  He was a high priest.  And in his life he was troubled with a terrible thing.  He and his wife were unable to have biological children.  And that was a sign – in those days – that they did not have the favour of God.

And he lived with his wife for the whole of their lives, until their old age, unable to conceive a child.

And I imagine the determination he had to continue to have faith.  After all, he would have felt dreadful.  He would have felt as though it was not possible at all to continue to maintain his faith.  Perhaps he would have wondered what he could possibly have done to offend God so much that he was effectively disgraced in front of all the people in his society?

And then one day – when Zechariah had perhaps stopped asking God to send him a child – that angel appeared…

“The angel said to Zechariah, ‘Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer is heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John’...  And Zechariah said to the angel, ‘How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years.’ And the angel answered him, ‘I am Gabriel...and behold, you will be silent and unable to speak until the day that these things come to pass, because you did not believe my words.’” (Luke 1:5–25).

And after waiting all that time and praying and putting up with the humiliation and judgement of being known as the man who was un-deserving of a biological child – as people would have said in those days – Zechariah saw that angel and listened to that angel, and when he was offered such a miracle, he said, “How shall I know this?”  So, an angel sent from Heaven was not enough proof for Zechariah.  An angel sent from Heaven with a miraculous message was not enough to prove to Zechariah that God was real and would really help him?  And poor poor God – to have sent such a miracle and to have been doubted (in all of His infinite goodness)!

And I have been thinking about that today, because that is what I do.  I am given all of these miracles and all of these blessings and even so I am provided with all of these opportunities and still I distrust my God.  Christ said, “Jesus complained to me in these words: Distrust on the part of souls is tearing at My insides. The distrust of a chosen soul causes Me even greater pain; despite My inexhaustible love for them they do not trust Me. Even My death is not enough for them. Woe to the soul that abuses these (gifts).” (Diary of Saint Faustina, Entry 50).

And today I wonder at the wounds that I have inflicted on my Beloved, through my distrust in Him…  Poor poor God, distrusted by a miserable soul like mine…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.