“But ‘Right away—right away’ was never right now, and ‘Let me be for a little while’ stretched out for a long time.” (Saint Augustine).
I am the sort of person who has always tried to over-achieve. This is not the say that I am more successful than other people – rather it is an indication of my personality and temperament, which actively rejects failure. And though this can at times translate to some nice achievements, it can equally result in terrible disappointment, when I have been unable to achieve my goals due to failures in my own abilities…
I recently read some beautiful words written by Saint Augustine in “The Confessions of a Saint” at page 152… “I was sure that it was better for me to give myself up to Your love than to give in to my own desires. However, although the one way appealed to me and was gaining mastery, the other still afforded me pleasure and kept me victim. I had no answer to give to You when You said to me, ‘Rise, you who sleep, and arise from the dead, and Christ will enlighten you.’ … But ‘Right away—right away’ was never right now, and ‘Let me be for a little while’ stretched out for a long time.”
And I have been reflecting on those words of that great Doctor of the Church, because they reflect so much of the sentiment of the Saints, who understood that they must act NOW – without delay… And yet, as I berate myself for my various failures, I recall the words of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, who said, “Holiness does not consist in not making mistakes or never sinning. Holiness grows with capacity for conversion, repentance, willingness to begin again, and above all with the capacity for reconciliation and forgiveness.”
And – suddenly – it occurs to me to reconsider my view of failure from a spiritual perspective… You see, I suddenly realise how God communicates with the human soul – and in seeing this clearly for perhaps the first time in my life – it occurs to me that the Holy Hand of God rests on every failure in my life…
And it occurs to me because I have been considering the life of the Blessed Virgin.
You see, if you consider the Blessed Virgin’s life from a purely earthly perspective, it was a complete a dismal failure…
You see, the Blessed Virgin lived during a time when children were prized and families were big. And in the matter of family – the Blessed Virgin was a SOCIAL FAILURE. She had ONE Child – granted a Son – and her child never married or had a family of His own. I can imagine the insensitive comments of her relatives and friends who would have asked her about her plans for other children and who would have criticised her as a wife for failing to provide children to Saint Joseph.
The Blessed Virgin lived a life of poverty. Her Son’s lowly trade as a carpenter was lowered even further when He decided to assume a nomadic life – taking neither staff not satchel on his travels. There was no spare food and nowhere to store a change of clothes or shoes. At a party, the Blessed Virgin would have worn the simplest and poorest of clothes. In short, the Blessed Virgin was an ECONOMIC FAILURE.
And then there is the matter of Her Beloved Son’s Passion and Death on the Cross. Christ was executed in a manner reserved for the lowest of low criminals. He was tortured, stripped naked and hung on a Cross to die an agonising death. To all the world, the Blessed Virgin had FAILED AS A MOTHER for she had raised a Son who was given the death penalty.
And I have been thinking about each of these FAILURES of the Blessed Virgin. For each of them was evidence of her complete surrender to God and her willingness to rely entirely on Him and His Holy Will. And in this, I can see the message of each failure – for the message was of LOVE. In each instance where the Virgin failed, God’s Holy Hand was at work to render such GOOD as the world has never known.
You see, as Saint Alphonsus Liguori said, "Mary was the most perfect among the saints only because she was always perfectly united to the will of God."
And I have been thinking about that today. For I have come to see the Holy Hand of God resting above each of my failures. And it occurs to me to pray to the Blessed Virgin – for she who was poorest of the poor, is Queen of Heaven for eternity. And my soul rejoices in the Lord when I remember that…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.