Judas

I am Judas, and I must pray for the Grace to repent as Simon Peter did.  I must pray for that Grace…

The betrayal of Christ by Judas Iscariot (Gustave Dor)

There are two apostles who I reflect on quite often – one is Saint Simon Peter, and the other is Judas Iscariot, the betrayer.

Saint Simon Peter became the rock upon which Christ built His Church…  “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.” (Matthew 16:18).  Contrastingly, Christ said of Judas Iscariot, “The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born.” (Matthew 26:24).

Both men sinned and betrayed Christ.

Saint Simon Peter betrayed Christ by denying Him three times before the cock crew.  He fell – so to speak – to a servant girl.  A maid was enough to terrify Saint Simon Peter into submission and sin.  He had not the courage to withstand so great a request as the one that came from the maid…

“The young woman who was the doorkeeper said to Peter, ‘Aren’t you one of this man’s disciples?’  He said, ‘No, I’m not.’” (John 18:17).

And once was not enough.  He continued to deny Christ – twice more – until Christ looked at him…

We are told that after Christ looked at him, Peter wept bitterly… “And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter.  And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.  And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.” (Luke 22:61-62).

And in that look, Christ offered redemption.  For in that look, Christ offered LOVE.  And Saint Simon Peter knew his own weakness in that look and repented for it.  He repented in the sacrifice of Christ and not in his own self-disgust (which is a form of pride).

And I compare this with Judas…

Judas Iscariot took silver to betray Christ.  Perhaps he reasoned with himself that Christ would save Himself this time?  After all He had walked through angry crowds before during His ministry…  He had raised people from the dead…  He had walked on water and multiplied loaves and fish…  He had done all these things and done them effortlessly.  How could He possibly be caught on this night?  Surely the silver would come in handy, and Christ would walk free as He always had?  And still, Christ kissed Judas and called him FRIEND…

“While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people.  Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: ‘The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.’  Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, ‘Greetings, Rabbi!’ and kissed him.  Jesus replied, ‘Do what you came for, friend.’” (Matthew 26:47-50).

And Judas repented of this crime.  But his repentance was unlike that of Saint Simon Peter.  He did not repent in the innocent blood that he betrayed.  Rather, he despised HIMSELF.  His repentance was inward and being inward he could not defer to Christ.  Instead, he experienced no conversion – as Peter did – he experienced only biter self-disgust…

And the true tragedy of that night was that Judas could have been Saint Peter, but he did not know how to repent.

And I have been thinking about that today as I have been thinking about Judas.  For I am Judas, and I must pray for the Grace to repent as Simon Peter did.  I must pray for that Grace…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.