“He stared at me, sad and pleading... a look that reflected everything sad in the Gospel.” (Saint Manuel Gonzalez).
I have been reading some interesting stories about Saint Manuel Gonzalez.
On 21 September 1901, Saint Manuel was ordained a priest. He was sent to a little village of Seville and set off to his new parish, riding a donkey and full of enthusiasm.
But when the Saint arrived at the church, he was shocked at the state of disrepair of the place. It was dirty and run down and the Blessed Sacrament had been neglected.
And he was shocked at this. And that shock – that experience of shock – changed his life forever.
He wrote, “I went straight to the Tabernacle. There, on my knees, before that pile of shreds and dirt, my faith saw a Jesus so quiet, so patient, looking at me… It seemed to me that, after looking around with His gaze at that wilderness of souls, He stared at me, sad and pleading... a look that reflected everything sad in the Gospel: the sadness of having no place to be born in Bethlehem, to rest His head, the crumbs for which poor Lazarus was begging, the sadness of His betrayal, denial, of abandonment by everyone... [There] I saw a new occupation that was being prepared for my priesthood: to become the priest of a town that did not want Jesus Christ, so that I may love Him in the name of all the people; to use my priesthood to take care of Jesus Christ in the needs that His life in the Tabernacle demanded, feeding it with my love, warming it with my presence, entertaining Him with my conversation, protecting Him from abandonment and ingratitude...”
And I have been reflecting on that decision – that conversion – of the Saint. Because I should be experiencing such a conversion myself every single day.
For just as the Blessed Eucharist was sadly neglected in that parish, so too is the Blessed Eucharist and everything relating to God Himself, sadly neglected too. And just as Saint Manuel saw the sadness of God having no place to be born and the sadness of His betrayal, denial and abandonment, in the neglect of the Blessed Eucharist, so too should I see those things in the neglect of the Blessed Eucharist in life.
And yet it seems to me that I have spent a lifetime ignoring the neglect. I have spent a lifetime hardening my heart to the torment of that silent soul inside the Tabernacle. I have spent a lifetime hardening my heart to the tears of my God.
And today – as I reflect on the last few days of Lent, during this most holy time, it occurs to me that I should be so ashamed of myself. After all, I have spent a lifetime neglecting my Beloved. And it is only today, after considering this Saint, that I have been able to realise the torment of my Beloved. And I am so sad, that it has taken me this long… So very very sad…
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.