"Batter my heart, three-person’d God, for you as yet but knock, breathe, shine and seek to mend…” (John Donne).
Today is my birthday.
When I was younger, I used to love my birthdays with a fierce passion as I saw them as my special day. The I got a little older and started to dislike my birthdays because I saw them as a sign I was getting older. And then, when I was in my early twenties, I decided that I would always LOVE my birthday because it meant that I was one year older and NOT DEAD. And I saw that as a reason to celebrate!
As my fortieth birthday approached, I made it clear to all of those people who know and love me that I saw this as a very important occasion. I had been waiting all my life to turn forty – I told them – because I really felt then (and I still feel this now) that it was only after I turned forty that people in the world took what I had to say seriously. Prior to this age I always felt that people were ignoring most of what I said and putting my ideas down to the misguided advice of inexperience and youth...
And so, my family organised a surprise birthday party to celebrate my fortieth birthday party last year. My sisters and brothers and parents planned the venue and the day. They liaised with my husband and came to an arrangement about where it would be and how I would get there and how they could hide the surprise from me.
I recently watched an interview of a famous actress who said that she hated surprise birthdays because she was never dressed for the occasion and generally felt terrible when she saw all her beautiful guests and she herself was not dressed in the same manner. And my sisters and mother knew this would also be something I felt. And so, they even managed to make sure I had an excuse to get dressed up for the day.
It was a lovely surprise, and I was so excited about it.
We did the same for my mother’s birthday the other day. And she loved the surprise as well and had a lovely day.
And I have been thinking about this today, because it was not just the party itself that made the day so special, it was the preparation that went into preparing the surprise for the birthday girls… That preparation indicated love and commitment and effort that people put in to make sure that everything would go according to plan and that the birthday girl could enjoy her day…
And that reminds me of God. The efforts He made ad infinitum, since the beginning of time, to prepare the surprise of Heaven for me is unimaginable. The work He does to get me into the right “spiritual” clothes for the feast, and to have me transported on the right path to the “venue” of Heaven is more than my little human mind could ever imagine.
And today I am filled with shame for the lack of gratitude I show for all of God’s work in preparing me for the feast, when I have no idea what is in store for me.
After all, Saint Paul told us…
“But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, The things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9).
For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.