Small

I have spent a lifetime killing Abel and lying to God about it afterwards, because I have spent a lifetime failing to dominate my sin when it is small.

Cain Killing Abel (Pietro Novelli)

The story of Cain and Abel is a fascinating one.

Let’s consider what it really must have looked like.  On the Earth there was Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel.  There were certainly not millions of human beings – or even hundreds of them.  There were very very very few humans.  And the humans who were on the Earth were busy getting things done.  Some farmed and some herded animals.  And each offered sacrifices to God.

And in the story, we are told that while Abel’s sacrifice was considered worthy by God, Cain’s was not.  We are not told why.  Perhaps he did not give enough?  Perhaps he did not give with a loving heart?  Perhaps he was distracted during his sacrifice?  Whatever the reason, Cain’s offering did not please God.

And when Cain realised that he had not pleased God, his response was to attack his brother and kill him.  He did not look within himself and try to determine what he had possibly done to cause this problem.  He did not look at what he had done and wonder if perhaps God Himself had a point in all of this.  Instead, he looked at his brother in anger and jealousy and decided that enough was enough and his brother must die…

“In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord.  And Abel also brought an offering – fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock.  The Lord looked with favour on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favour.  So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.  Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?  If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?  But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.’  Now Cain said to his brother Abel, ‘Let’s go out to the field.’  While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.  Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Where is your brother Abel?’  ‘I don’t know,’ he replied. ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’” (Genesis 4:3-9).

Later, when God came to Cain to ask about his brother, Cain – who surely knew that God is perfect and infallible and knows all things – decided to lie to God (as though God would never find out).

And I have been reflecting on this, because Cain started with a small thing – a little failing in relation to his offering to God.  And that small thing became a bigger thing – anger at his brother.  And that bigger thing became even bigger – the murder of his brother Abel.  And that bigger thing became huge – lying to God.  That jealousy, anger, hatred, revenge – it all started so small and grew so big.

And I have been thinking about what that means for us.  Because if we do not dominate the little things then we have no chance at all of dominating the big ones.  In other words, if I do not control my jealousy in its early stages, then I cannot possibly control my anger and hatred that comes of it and grows…

And it occurs to me today that I have spent a lifetime killing Abel and lying to God about it afterwards, because I have spent a lifetime failing to dominate my sin when it is small.

And for that I am sorry.  I am terribly terribly sorry…

For with prayer, I stand on Holy Ground where everything is clear. Here. At the Foot of the Cross.